A Portrait of the Neurotic As a Young (Black) Man

Spoiled and coddled until my 20s, I am now learning how to navigate the world as an adult- with disastrous results. Black, gay, superficial, and self-conscious, this is the portrait of the neurotic as a young man.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Is the Gym the new Adam4Adam?

I wouldn't know, cause I haven't been there for months lol.
But my friend, a religious gym-goer in D.C., would. Here's an IM convo that I found to be eye-opening.

Friend: yooo, i must tell u what happened to me today lol

Me: what

Friend: I went to the gym
Friend: and my trainer wore me out.. had me sweatin like a pig
Friend: so i had to take a shower
Friend: and when I came out there was a guy in the sauna swingin his dick back n forth at me LMFAO
Friend: so he's like 'come here" (which my dumb ass did)
Friend: and he grbbaed my hand and made me fele on his dick
Friend: and he's liek "suck this shit yo"
Friend: im like hell no lol
Friend: he's like u know u want to since u came in here

Me: lmaooooooo
Me: what. the. fuck. lol

Friend: i knowright
Friend: come ot find out stuffliek this goes on ALLLL the time at the gym

Me: Wow. and then what? lol

Friend: i was like i aint suckin ur dick bcuz 1. i dont know u and 2. this sauna has big ass glass windows with a clear view of inside for anyone who walks by it
Friend: NO
Friend: so then he's like... damn yo u got me all hard n shit
Friend: then he's like "do u get fucked??"
Friend: i was liek um.. bye lol
Friend: and he was like well when u comin back..i sed wednesday same time.. and he sed ill be here
Friend: i was like whatever... PAAAACE

Me: waaaaiiiiiit a minute, negro
Me: 1) Like he said, why did you go into the sauna while he was in there. You lookin for somethin? Like your wallet? ..Or some fellatio, perhaps?

Friend: no lol
Friend: he was sexy lol
Friend: i at least wanted to talk to him lol

Me: But you know when a dude is swinging his penis, it aint because he's tryin to dry it off lol

Friend: lol I guess

Me: 2) When he was swanging his dick and said "come here"....why did you listen to him?? Were you like "okay...but you better have a really funny joke to tell me, Mister!!"

Friend: no lol
Friend: i aint wanna seem rude lol

Me: *dead*
Me: well at least you have manners. Did you stare at it?

Friend: no i didn't stare lol
Friend: he may have had potential...he already looked good lol... regardless of the fact that he obviously didn't mind getitng head form a guy in fornt of a bunch of peopelin a public place lol

Me: Whew, well at least least you weren't rude to a fine pervert! Everything's okay then!!
Me: 3) I'm mad that you told him the exact day and time that you'll be back lol. You must want somethin to pop off

Friend: no i wanted to see if he'd actually be there
Friend: bcuz i seriously doubt he will lol
Friend: im not goin back there by the shower and sauna EVER again lol

Me: Whatever. Just don't let your personal trainer see the cum on the side of your mouth at ur next appointment lol

Friend: LMFAO
Friend: nah he wont lol
Friend: even tho i dunno if he gets down or not
Friend: whenever he stretches me out after the workout he tends to put his dick against m leg and then it'll be throbbing lol

Me: He probably does. He's a black man in D.C.- what's he gonna be...straight???

Friend: Hahahahahaha yeah right

Me: Anyway, I'm thoroughly disgusted by this homo turn of events, I need to shower away the filth. I'm off to the sauna at Bally's, HOLLA

1 Comments:

  • At 2:14 PM, Blogger Lamar Perez said…

    Simply the BEST....especially, He's a black man in D.C.- what's he gonna be...straight???

    LMAO!!!! This was great...I think you are a burgeoning writer.

    I love you...lol

     

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